Sunday, December 13, 2015

Hush Little Girl…Don’t Say A Word….

Hush little broken heart,
Don’t say a word,
Quiet now, or mommas gonna see your eyes gone blurred.

Hush little broken heart,
Quiet now, just ignore the hurt,
Things will be better if you stay inert.

Hush little broken heart,
No one needs to know
Quiet, little girl, don’t make a show.

Hush little broken heart,
Or, anger will arise,
Tell yourself tomorrow there will be blue skies.

Hush little broken heart,
Don’t say a word,
Ready now? Time to ignore all those mocking birds.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Love Song -- To: You -- From: God

Walk with me,
 Lest you be,
 Lonely and without serenity.

 Walk through life,
 Pushing through the strife,
 By my side, so you can have eternal life.

 Walk through the happiness and the pain,
 Through the sunshine and the pouring rain,
 Together a deeper love we will gain.

 This love is always here,
 Always perfect always sincere,
 Stay close to me and you will have nothing to fear.

Saturday, February 22, 2014

The Distance

I want to help you, but you shut me out, are you really going to make me guess?
I want to be close to you, but there is a screen between us, you've given me a clout.
You won’t tell me, I prod, you won’t confess, we've created such a mess.
What is in your mind? What is this all about?
Please tell me, I am so confused…
Do you know you've left me bruised?

When you are sad and when you are in pain…I feel the same.
I see in your eyes, more than you tell.
I see in your brow all the cares of the world, of which you are not to blame.
I want to know your smiles, your tears, your pain…I want to know them well.
Please tell me, I am so lost, and I sense danger…
It’s as if I closed my eyes and now see a stranger…

Sunday, February 16, 2014

I am Here

Don’t be afraid my dear,
I am here, by your side,
Holding the candle of light that will
Break through the darkness
Of your mind.

Don’t be afraid my dear,
I am here, by your side,
Holding the shield to catch
The arrows of your enemies.

Don’t worry my dear,
I am here, by your side,
If you take my hand and hold it tight,
I will guide you through the thorns and vines.

Don’t worry my dear,
I am here, by your side,
I will bring you to the still safe waters
Where you will drink and revive yourself.

The battle is not over yet my dear,
But don’t fear, for I am here.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

The Silent House

The mother wakes early to her silent home.
She stealthily glides down the stairs descending into the dark kitchen.
Fixing herself a pot of coffee she quietly thinks to herself.
As the rest of the house sleeps, she showers, she dresses…she leaves for work.
Not disturbing the silent house.

The daughter awakes, trudges to the bathroom, her hair a mess mopped on her head.
She carefully walks down the hall to the kitchen,
 Trying not to stir the creaks hidden in the old wooden floors.
She goes to the fridge and gently pulls the orange juice pitcher off the shelf.
The silence is lonely, the silence is chilling….it’s depressing.
She showers, she dresses…she leaves the silent house and goes to work.

The father wakes he scuffs out of his room and creaks down the stairs.
He pores himself a cup of coffee and sits down with the TV remote.
The world is a loud and corrupt place; it has nothing good to say.
He goes out to the porch and breathes in the crisp air.
The silence is what it is, nothing shocking….it’s best that way.

The grandfather wakes shovels his way to the bathroom, his bones creaking and squeaking.
 A few moments later he makes his way to the cup of coffee awaiting him.
He sits alone in the quiet house the only sound he makes is the faint slurping of his lips.
The silence is comforting, the silence is pleasant…it is his friend.
He makes his way back to his bed and sleeps, slowly fading back into the silent house.

When all return at the end of the day, they all sit quietly at the dinner table.
The only sound they compose is the clanking of forks and knives on their plates.
Then….they breath they look up to see each other, “How was your day?”
The yelling begins the silence is broken, the voices are loud and the flood gates are open.
They escape the binding table and go to their designated places, the day is done and…
The house returns to its silent state, perhaps it is better that way.

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Winged With Fire (Part 4)

                Philania opened her eyes, she yawned and stretched. Rolling over she placed her hand on the pillow next to her, then moved her hand across the pillow, searching. Her head shot up, and looked at the empty place in the bed next to her. She sat up and searched the dark room. Her eyes came to rest on a dark figure of a man sitting on the floor in front of the fire, she grinned slightly. Quietly she slipped out of the bed and crept behind the man. She knew his mind had been stolen away….somewhere far away.
          Philania wrapped her arms around his strong shoulders and swallowed him up in a big bear hug. He jolted and looked back at her.
          “Did I scare you?” She asked grinning mischievously.
          “Me, scared? I’m a brave knight…I’m trained to fear nothing.” The man said dryly as if he was trying to convince himself of that truth. 
          “Don’t lie. Tell me what’s bothering you Quin, you seem to be very far away right now, where are you love?” She kissed his cheek and sat down next to him; stroking his beard with her hands she turned his face towards hers and looked into his intense blue eyes.  He opened his mouth to speak.
          “Don’t say ‘nothing,’ because I know better…” Philania said gently.
          He smiled and took her hands in his, kissing her knuckles, he said, “I am here, wishing that I could stay here. We’ve only been married a month and I am already being called out on business for the king. I don’t want to leave you, I was hoping for a little more time before having to be called away on duty.”  He scooped her up and placed her on his lap, holding her close, stroking her hair and breathing in her scent.
          “So that’s what has you so troubled? Listen I will be fine, you know that the Queen has already made arrangements for me to stay with her, she is ecstatic to have me, she has missed not having me there since some handsome knight swooped me off my feet and forced me to marry him.” Philania laughed.
          “Well if that’s how you feel about our marriage…than I shall just leave…tonight!” He said with a chuckle, than he grew serious again. “I’m not worried about you; I know you will be safe, I just don’t know how I am going to be able to wake up every morning to an empty tent. It’s not going to be easy saying goodbye and not knowing how long it will be until I see you again. I don’t like the idea of not being able to kiss you, or hold you in my arms like this.” His jaw clenched and he breathed in a deep sigh, letting his head come to rest against hers.
          “So, you’re going to miss me, eh? Can’t live without me, eh?” She said teasingly. Then knowingly she held his face in her hands and kissed his cheek gently; then she kissed his lips and looked into his eyes again, stroking his cheek with her thumb, “I will miss you just as much as you will miss me, but I know too that I am blessed to have you, it was no accident that our paths crossed when we were young. God had a plan for both of us; he rescued me from the streets and brought you into my life to so that I could live a better life. I don’t know what he has planned for us next, but I trust him. I also trust that he will keep you safe and comforted while we are apart.”
          Quinlin looked at her and smiled, “This is why I married you.” He kissed the palm of her hand, “Alright, I suppose we should get back to bed, they will be here early tomorrow to fetch me.”
* * * * * *
          Quin had been gone for six months, Philania thought her heart would burst, she cried and prayed that God would bring him back to her soon. It was a real struggle, but she kept believing and trusting that God would answer her prayer.
          Philania sat with the Queen and read a book while she sewed. Philania looked up from the book, “Have there ever been any fairy sightings or anything else “mystical” around here? I know it’s silly, but I’m curious.”
          The Queen smiled, “Oh Philania, you’re too serious sometimes. If someone hadn’t really seen anything, I’m sure they wouldn’t be nearly as many stories about them. As far as “sightings” around here, I have heard eerie stories of enchanted waters, lake monsters, and Phoenixes, but only bits here and there. Why do you ask dear child? You don’t think that one kidnapped Quinlin do you?” She laughed and patted Philania’s hand gently. “Don’t worry deary, he will be home soon, I’m sure of it. I’m missing my own dear husband too you know!?!”
          Philania smiled at the Queen’s warmth and care, realizing she was right. She was ashamed that she wallowed in her own unhappiness and never stopped to think about how someone else might be struggling over the same thing. 
                Abruptly the Queen’s chamber door flew open, and there stood Quinlin, sweaty and covered in dirt.  He was gasping for air as if he had been running and through his gasps he weakly forced out, “Philania!” Philania flew out of her chair and dashed across the room catching him just in time to guide him slowly to the floor as he passed out of consciousness. 
          “Quinlin! Quin my love, don’t worry I’m here now. I got you…” Philania’s eyes were wet with tears as she held Quin close to her. As the Queen hastened to get help Quin’s eyes fluttered open and he gasped, “Philania…I love you…I’m sorry, but I must heed the words of the Phoenix…” then he went limp.
* * * * * *
          Philania stroked Quin’s hair, she laid with him on their bed while he slept. The castle physician said he was suffering from shock and exhaustion, and that he needed rest and food to build up his strength. Philania watched over him carefully, he uttered strange things, things about a phoenix and mystical waters. She couldn’t figure out what was going on, all she knew was that he had seen something terrible in his travels.  Three days passed before he fully regained consciousness, when he awoke he sat up and asked how long he had been asleep.
          “You’ve been asleep for three days. Quin, what happened to you?” Philania asked holding onto his hand tightly.
          “Oh Philania, something terrible has happened, I have returned only to have to leave you again. The story I am about to tell you is one that you most likely won’t believe, but I beg you, as mythical as it may sound please believe that I am telling you the truth!” Quin’s voice was filled with urgency.
          “Quin, I…I will believe….tell me, please!” She said.
          Quin told her how he and the other knights of the King had been searching the land surrounding the kingdom; they were searching the forest for a reported “disturbance” and some sightings of “black magic.” The king had ordered the knights to seek out this “black magic” and make certain that it wouldn’t reach the kingdom. After the entourage set up camp they went on their assignment to search the Wespin Forest for any mystical disturbances.
          They entered the dark forest with their hands grasping their swords, ready for any danger that may befall them. The forest was silent. A breeze picked up the dark leaves of the trees causing a sound like the sea to echo amid the hollowness that captured this desolate woodland.  The silence was more eerie than anything else. When in a land of the unknown, one should be afraid of silence more than swarming noises, for the silence reeks fear of things unspoken or things unseen, while noise is assurance of things seen and unseen…it is identifiable.
          They made their way in the darkness looking for any suspicious bursts of fire or unexpected mists. Tree limbs cracked underfoot leaving a trace for those who might be following.  A fog swiftly blew through the trees surrounding and engulfing them. Quin told the men to stay together in a group so as to prevent them from being separated and depleted. 
          Through the fog Quin caught site of a green light faintly burning, he alerted the men and told them to stay calm and to keep their swords drawn. His comrade Aaron shook in his armor, he was young and this was his first assignment. He didn’t watch where he was stepping and tripped over a mossy stone. He fell and hit his head on a tree trunk this caused a gash wet with blood to appear across his forehead. Quin helped him up and aided him as they continued to walk. As they drew closer to the green light they seemed to enter into a part of the forest where the trees grew closer together and the trunks of the willow trees were wider and fuller. When they had almost reached the light, they saw that the light was a reflection of the moon on a small stream that was surrounded by overhanging willow trees. Quin advised the men to stay together in the darkness where they weren’t exposed, while he went to gather water to refresh his friends and clean Aaron’s wound.  
          Quinlin approached the water cautiously and as quiet as possible, being fully conscious of anything that might burst out and attack him. He reached a part where the willow trees formed an arch right before the water’s edge, Quin walked through the arch and immediately the water’s color shifted to a solemn purple and the water started to swirl round and round. Quin turned to go back, but the trees leaves and branches had entwined forming a barrier to keep him. Quin turned back to the water, his eyes wide. All he could think about was Philania, his love, his precious wife.
          Then what appeared before him would terrify and mystify anyone, out from the mouth of a cave where the stream flowed from, strode out a fiery bird. With eyes that burned like embers and wings that flicked with fiery sparks, the creature was beautiful with a graceful neck like a swan and an elegant tail that swirled and twisted.  Quin couldn’t move nor could he look away, he was awestruck. This creature turned and matched his gaze, it’s eyes struck fear deep within Quin, it’s eyes was like seeing through the gates of a dungeon that held a of tortured soul captive there.
          It let loose a bone cracking screech, and then spoke to him in a voice of many voices echoing and snarling, “Who dares trespass on the sacred grounds of these mystical waters? What unintelligent man are you to dare cross paths with the me, the guardian of these waters? Do you have any idea what punishment you will now face?”
          Quin fell to his knees, “I am sorry, I have a wounded comrade and I came to seek water to ease his pain, I did not know that these were sacred waters. Please forgive a simple mistake.”
          The phoenix’s wings shook and tail whipped and whirled. “You dare speak to me such lies? You dare ask for a pardon? You will find no mercy here! I will take you as my prisoner until I decide a different punishment for you.”
          Quin blinked, fighting hot tears as he realized that he truly would never see Philania again, how could he do this to her, how could he lead his comrades into such danger…he should have known better than to enter unknown grounds in the eeriness of the shadows and fog.
          “You cry? What a coward…what a babe to cry in the face of the one who holds your fate!” The phoenix sneered.
          Quin now burned with anger, “I cry not for myself, but for my wife who I will leave a widow, she deserves not that fate!”
          “A wife, have you? You should have thought of that before you came here.” The phoenix paused for a moment, as if pondering something that troubled him, then with a changed expression he spoke again, almost gently, “You at least seem to be an honest fellow, I will strike a deal with you. If you promise to return to me immediately after, I will give you a fortnight to return and say farewell to your precious wife. If you do not return to me after that allowed time, I shall fly and burn your beloved kingdom and all who reside there….including your precious wife. Do we have a deal?” Once again the phoenix’s eyes burned with a fiery hatred.
          “I will return to you in a fortnight, you have my word.” Quin turned to go then turned back to the phoenix, “Thank you. I will not go back on my word!”
          The phoenix’s expression softened again, and he said, “See that you don’t.”
          * * * * * *
          When Quin finished his story, Philania’s eyes filled with tears she held his hands tight.
          “How much time do we have left?” She asked with a voice that was filled with desperation.
          “Three days, I will have to start my journey back to him in the morning of the forth day. Philania I wish it were longer, but I will not risk the lives of the kingdom. I know you understand that.” 
          Philania nodded her head grievingly. They made the most of their last three days together. The night before he had to leave, Philania couldn’t sleep she tossed and turned on her pillow next to Quin. There must be another way she thought, there must be something else….she sat up.
          “I can’t just lie here and do nothing, I must find another way! I will find another way!” She whispered to herself in the darkness, “I’m sorry Quin, but I am not going to let you give yourself up to die!”
* * * * * *
          Before she turned to leave, Philania kissed Quin’s forehead and whispered a prayer, then she tightened the strap of his sword sheath around her chest. She pulled her green cape around her shoulders and pulled the hood over her head, then continued to walk quietly out of the room. Once out of the court yard Philania ran as fast as she could, she ran to the stables and saddled the fastest stallion of the king’s stable.
          Moments later she was thundering out of the castle gate on horseback. The horse’s hooves matching the beat of her heart, faster and faster she pushed the great beast. She would sacrifice her life for the one who gave her a chance at a better life. Love is not love if sacrifices are not made.
          * * * * * *
          Philania didn’t stop riding until she reached the forest the next morning; from there she continued on foot, she didn’t even care how tired she was. A fire burned in her heart and it drove her on. When she reached the place of the stream she drew Quin’s sword and entered the willow’s archway.  The trees closed in tightly behind her and once again the water swirled and burned purple.
          “You have returned faithfully as you said, I will admit I didn’t believe that you….” The phoenix stopped in its tracks. There stood before him a young woman with a sword and a powerful look of fearlessness that it almost made him shrink back in fear, but he stood tall and whipped his fiery tale.
          “Who are you that come at me with a pitiful sword? What can you possibly do to harm me little frail thing that you are?” The phoenix taunted her, trying to see if she would break.
          “I am Philania, I am the wife of the man you charged as your prisoner a fortnight ago. I have come not to harm you, but to offer myself in exchange for my husband’s life. If you refuse, than I shall have to kill you!” Philania said with all the courage and strength she could muster.
          The phoenix laughed a horrible evil laugh that sent a chill down her spine, “You? You have come to offer yourself in exchange for him? Why!?!”
          “My husband was thinking of his comrades not thinking of himself, he is always looking out for others, he always looked out for me. I am here because he doesn’t deserve this fate, I offer this because my love for him burns brighter than any fire you could ever bend and tame!” Philania said as she straightened, standing tall and firm.
          The phoenix stood fixed on her eyes, his gaze blazed with fiery ash then he spoke, “I am moved by your love for your husband, never have I witnessed such a true sacrifice of love. I accept your offer. I will take you in his stead. You have shown tremendous courage; because of this courage I shall offer you a much lighter punishment.” He paused, and with a deep breath he drew deep within his breast he spoke with a voice of power and fire, “Instead of death, I cast upon you the curse of the phoenix. You shall remain in the day your human form, but once night falls you shall shift into the form of a phoenix to roam the night sky in the elegance and power of fire. Every full moon, I shall summon you and you must do as I command you until the end of the full moon. This is the punishment I give to you. Now immerse yourself in the mystical waters and be transformed.”

          Philania stood for a moment taking in what the phoenix had just told her, than standing tall with courage she dove into the churning waters. 

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

You Are My All In All

All will pass away 
But you will remain
All will pass away 
But you will remain
You will remain...

Verse 1
Your mercies will never cease
You are my constant peace
You have drawn me with loving-kindness
There is no one of your likeness

Verse 2
With you all blessings flow
You go wherever I go
Let your Spirit consume me
Let your love flow through me

Verse 3
When the world turns against me
Let your Spirit consume me
Lord, may I seek you all of my days
Let my mouth speak only your praise

Final Chorus
You are my all in all 
When I sing or when I cry
You are my all in all 
When I sing or when I cry
When I cry...

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Evil Lurks

Though the darkness rises and many run to it,
Though Evil lurks and many follow it,
Though my world is shaken and no one cares,
Even when my tears are too large to share.

My God is my all-in-all,
When people fail and people fall.
He is what makes me complete,
With enemies I will never retreat!

I will not be knocked down,
No one can destroy me now.
My God is the rock that I cling to.
I say to the world....bring it on....
I'm wearing my armor and my sword is drawn!

Monday, July 29, 2013

My Firefly (A Sonnet)

Fireflies light up the sky,
they match the sparkle in your eye.
You fill my heart with delight,
I don’t think I’ve shown so bright.

I see that look on your face,
the one that can’t be replaced.
I pray that it will never go away,
that it will stay with me during the day.

When will I work up the nerve,
truly I’m not what you deserve.
I’m sure there is someone finer than I,
truly, I wouldn't tell a lie.

Firefly, firefly, the only one I can see,
Firefly, Firefly, please let you love be for only me.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

It's time to clean up house, cut the loose ends, and move on.Don't look back just keep hiking up the mountain that life has set before, I know that when I reach the top twill be heaven's glory that I shall see, Not man's ugliness down in the deep. 

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Under Radar

Kensington McCarthy
Nineteen years of age
Occupation: Full Time Honors Student at Graham University
Major: Undecided
Education: Graduated as an ‘A’ student out of Hogs-worth High, was beat out of Valedictorian by classmate whose parents are on the school board.
Living Conditions: Lives with working parents, only child at home.
Family Conditions: Youngest of three female children, oldest sibling died a DWI case, this happened before McCarthy graduated from high school, middle child is married and lives in England with spouse they are both photographers.  Father and Mother are together and work full time in keeping up their family business.
Social life: No romantic engagements, two consistent friends Nancy Haisley and Garrett Johnson.
Hobbies: Blogger, hiker, regular volunteer at senior home and homeless shelter, enjoys flying small aircraft and gliders on weekends, working with horses, and boxing.
          “As you can see gentlemen, Miss McCarthy is a fine candidate, she is smart, athletic, productive and ambitious, and however, very discreet. She has a sparse social life making her fly under the radar most of the time. If she disappeared, it wouldn’t be a huge procedure to cover up…hardly anyone would miss her. Shall we vote?” A woman’s voice echoed from the monitor on the large television projector over the steel arch table.  A group of men in suits looked at each other with solid unemotional faces then nodded. A man at one end of the table stood up, “All in favor of candidate one? (Hands raise) All in favor of candidate two? (A few hands raise) And three? Alright it is decided, Kensington McCarthy, is our choice; start the debriefing, we shall meet again in one month to discuss progress and future developments. This meeting is adjourned.”
~  š  ~

           Kensington woke up on a Thursday morning feeling exhausted and sore, she was confused as to why she felt so tired, not to mention how she felt as though someone had thrown her against a wall.  The night before she had gone to bed fairly early, compared to her usual and she had slept very soundly, at least she didn’t remember getting up in the night. She looked over at her alarm clock it read, 9:15.  Kensington settled onto her pillow again, started to close her eyes, when she shot up with a jolt and looked back at her clock. “Oh no! I’m going to be so late for class!” She pulled on some jeans and threw her hair into a bun, grabbed her book bag and flew out the door.
“Kensy, you’re really late! You’re lucky I take really good notes!” Nancy said quietly with a smirk. Kensington smiled warmly at her and then took her notes to copy. After class they walked down the hall to Garrett’s class, which would be letting out at any moment. They laughed as they walked together, then they saw Garrett coming out of his class talking to the girl he was working up the nerve to ask out. They giggled as they watched him, when he and the girl parted Kensy and Nancy waved to him then said, “Hey Garrett, how did it go this time?” They tried to keep their faces as straight as possible. “I have great confidence in the next encounter.” Garrett said, with a smirk and an eyebrow raise.  “Come on.” Nancy said, “We got to go get Kensy cleaned up, she’s a major greaser!” She laughed loudly. “Hey, that was an unnecessary leak of personal information!” Kensington swat at her.  They made plans to meet up for lunch before they had to go to the rest of their courses. Nancy and Kensington said good bye to Garrett, after they parted the girls headed to Kensy’s house.
Kensington slipped on a tank top and some shorts; she went back to the bathroom to brush her teeth, Nancy followed her with a magazine in hand, sat on the side of the tub, and talked to her about the latest celebrity news. Kensy occasionally made a comment through her tooth paste filled mouth. When she was done both the girls went back to her bedroom, Nancy flopped on Kensy’s bed, Kensy went over to her vanity and put some earrings on and continued to braid her hair back.  “Oh my gosh, Kensy what happened!?!” Nancy leaped off the bed, and rushed to Kensy’s side.  “What do you mean?” Kensy asked confused.  “You’re telling me you didn’t know you had an enormous bruise on the back of your shoulder?” Kensy turned around and look at her shoulder blade, then lifted up her tank she realized that the bruise was big, but it didn’t just stop at her shoulders it went down to the small of her back. “What happened Kensy? Were you in an accident? Did someone hit you? You would tell me if you were in trouble right?” Nancy said with a panicked voice.  Kensington pulled down her tank top again and then turned to look at Nancy, her grey eyes were wide and serious. “I don’t know for sure Nancy, but  I think that whatever happened, it happened last night, and a dream I had….I don’t think was a dream.”

Friday, April 5, 2013


You presence has become like a plant in the corner of the room.
Stored away, 
Fading into the wallpaper,
Your owner forgets to water you.

You speak, but are not heard.
Your voice has become a memory, 
Locked up in the darkness, 
You try to get out, you try to force your way back into the light.

When you speak you are hushed,
When you don't speak you are wrong to do so.
Why do you bother staying around?
Why don't you find a place where you will be cherished?

You stay and yearn for something better.
Such a coward, wake up and find some guts.
You have an opportunity,
But you're too afraid to take it.

Oh, there is someone, someone out there,
Who will listen to your voice,
And love it like sunshine.
So why then, do you stay?

What excuse do you have this time?

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Corpse (A Sonnet)

I realized a while after I posted this one that even though I labeled it a "Sonnet" it wasn't really...I was off by a line. (Shows that writing at 2 am can be unproductive in some instances especially when you don't proof read it something before submission!) One thing I will say though is I wish someone had told me (left me a know that thing you can type in at the bottom of each post...that's what it's there for). Anyway, I removed it, looked it over, fixed it, and now I am re-posting it.  THIS time it's a real sonnet!  Enjoy....

I withdraw into the dim.
Away from the crowd.
My view of this world is grim.
In light I cannot hide the darkness is my shroud.

It is the quiet that brings me comfort.
In the light I have to face who I am.
When did living become such an effort?
I miss who I was and hate who I am.

My angel, you brought me the day.
The light reflected off your wings and warmed my face.
Reversing my hearts decay.
I just wonder if you really knew me…would you think me a disgrace?

Will the truth win me you? Or will it bring me strife?
I don’t want to be alone, you brought me back to life.

Friday, February 8, 2013

Winged With Fire (Part 3)

    Philania was loved by the women of the court and the queen thought of her as a daughter. Quinlin made sure to keep an eye on her, to make sure she was happy and to acknowledge all of her birthdays (at which time he playfully remind her of their pact and that she was getting closer to her eighteenth birthday).
A few days before her seventeenth birthday Philania was walking the market place picking out some flowers when out from behind a corner Quinlin snuck up behind her; he swept her up and swung her around with the biggest grin on his face.
          “Hey Lana, I heard that it’s someone’s birthday soon...” 
          “QUINLIN! You put me down this instant…you bully you….sneaking up behind me like…like a thief!”
          Quin laughed and set her down,
          “Now Lana, take it easy, besides I may or may not have gotten a gift for a certain someone!”
Quinlin loved the fact that he could be clever get a rise out of her.  Philania’s mad face immediately brightened,
          “Oh Quin, you didn’t? What is it? Please show me!” She said excitedly as she tugged on his tunic sleeve. He smiled clearly happy with her reaction.
          “Oh no, you think I’m a bully and as I understand it’s not your birthday yet.” The corner of his mouth turned up into a devilish curve and he chuckled.
Philania frowned.
          “My birthday is only a day away! Besides you were being a scoundrel.”
Quin laughed,
          “Okay, but only because you’re so cute when you’re angry!” He kissed her cheek, “You haven’t forgotten our deal have you?”
Philania crossed her arms and said slightly annoyed,
          “How could I, you remind me every year….I hope you’re not still serious about that…I was a little girl when we made that pact!”
          “I made a promise and I intend to keep it. I am a man of my word. Now do you want your gift or not?”
          She rolled her eyes and smiled, “Yes please!”
          Out from behind his cloak he drew a blue silk pouch with gold strings and handed it to her. Philania felt the softness of the beautiful bag and traced her name which was embroidered on it in beautiful gold letters. She slowly opened it to reveal a small diamond shaped brooch with a small oval shaped black onyx in the middle with rubies framing it.
          “Oh Quin…it’s beautiful, thank you.”
She said slowly. Then looked up at him with her big golden eyes with a smile and threw her arms around his neck; he held her tightly in his arms. Then she gave him a kiss on the cheek.
           “I am glad that you like it, when I saw it, I knew it had to be yours, it suits you well.”
          “It’s…the most wonderful thing I have ever gotten in my life, thank you!”
She kissed his cheek and held his face in her hands for a moment, looking into his eyes, then said,
          “I won’t forget our agreement!”
* * * * * *
          The Queen had been planning the big celebration to acknowledge Philania becoming a woman for three months. The feast was being held in the great hall; the Viceroy, the Lords, the Squires, the Ladies, and of course the Knights, were all eating, drinking, and happily chatting with each other. They continued this way until the Queen stood from her thrown and signaled the musicians to stop playing; when the crowd settled down and the hall grew silent, the queen said with great excitement,
          “My friends, and high members of the court, I am so delighted to have you all here to celebrate a wonderful occasion, my wonderful daughter’s eighteenth birthday!” 
          The guests clapped, then stood in obedience, as the queen raised her arms. Their eyes looked to entrance of the hall, where Philania stood, beaming with flawless beauty. Her dress was a beautiful deep red with gold trim and her blonde hair flowed down her back in curls, she had a braided crown on her head with small red roses tucked in throughout.  Philania walked elegantly to the royal table and sat in her seat to the right of the queen; after she sat the guests followed suit. Music was played and a boar had been killed and cooked in her honor.  All the eligible men of the court lined up to dance with her and who was the first in line, but her dearest friend Quinlin. Philania smiled wide when she saw him, she hadn’t seen him in a year, he had been gone recruiting and training the young squires for the King’s army; the Viceroy predicted war since reports had reached the King’s council of dragons returning to the land.
          As Quin took her hand she saw a serious expression on his face that she couldn’t recall ever seeing before. He had always had a playful mischievous look on his face, but not this night, it made her wonder if there was something wrong. He kissed her hand and led her across the floor. They twirled and marched this way and that through the line dance, they broke free of each other and walked around the couple next to them, then joined again and Quin took her hand, brought her close and he whispered in her ear,
          “You are so beautiful, not even a phoenix could compare to you tonight!”
          Philania blushed at the wonderful compliment; phoenixes were rare and known for their immaculate beauty, legends stated that if you happened to see one you would be so overwhelmed by its beauty that a spell would be cast on you and you would never be seen by your loved ones again.   Quin stopped suddenly and looked at Philania with his serious expression again.
          “I have to talk to you…”
          “Alright…what is it Quin? Is something wrong?”
          “No…nothing is wrong….”
          Then Quin knelt down on one knee, Philania’s eyes grew wide and prayed that he wasn’t about to do what she thought he was about to do. The musicians stopped abruptly when they saw Quin lean down, making everyone turn looking around confused, and then their gazes fell upon Quin and Philania.
          “Quin….I…oh please don’t…not now…not here.”
          “Philania, please let me just say what I need to say while I have the nerve. (He cleared his voice) It was about six years ago, that I met a captivating little girl of the age of twelve and through some amusing events following our first meeting, she and I came to make a pact, that on her eighteenth birthday I would ask for her hand in marriage. As the years have gone by I have loved her as my greatest friend, and pursued her with patience until the day I would keep my end of our pact. Now I stand before you all (he looked around at the crowd) keeping my promise, not because I am bound by a promise, but rather because I have watched her grow into a fine woman, a woman of great character, patience, love, and wisdom. As I have witnessed this, I have fallen more in love with you everyday since our first meeting. I am not a perfect man, I have my faults; however I am honest and I keep my word, I believe myself to also be a man of integrity…humility, however, is still a title I am working on earning. I would be privileged to have you as my wife, to be devoted to you for the rest of our days. Will you do the honor of being my wife?”
          Philania was speechless, oxygen refused to come and with shaky hands she quickly snatched Quin’s hand and dashed out of the hall. She dragged him behind her into the small private prayer room locking the door behind them; she then led him to the kneeling place in front of the cross where she pushed him away from her. She started pacing…yelling all the while,
          “How dare you…in front of ALL those people! I haven’t seen you in over a YEAR Quin, and then here you are to faithfully declare your love and commitment? Do you have no sense? How do you know if I still wanted you to do that? And what in God’s precious name, made you think that I would want you to do it in that way!?! Oh, of all the stupid things….that’s what you chose to do! I…I am so angry I could slap you!”
          Quin took her hands and held them tightly as he spoke to her in a firm voice,
          “Now listen here, I am a man of my word, I am sorry I haven’t seen you in over a year, I can assure you that that was NOT my choice, you can thank the Viceroy’s predicted war for that! However, when I saw you walk in tonight, I knew I had to ask you tonight before any other fool had the chance to ask for your hand...I am sorry that you don’t commend my way of asking you, but it’s too late to take that back now. If you do not love me than tell me and I will go, but if you can’t say it without a single doubt in your mind, than grant me a month to court you. If after that month you do not love me, I will remain only your friend or I will leave you to live your life without me. What do you say?”
          She stared hushed at him, thinking…she knew it was only fair, after all he had kept his promise even after all these years. That had to count for something. She looked into his light blue eyes, took a deep breath, and said,
          “I wore the brooch you gave me…don’t you think it matches my dress beautifully?”
Quin laughed and smiled, he stroked her face with his thumb then kissed her hand,
          “Thank you! I look forward to marrying you at the end of this month. ”
 He winked and laughed again as he dodged a swat from her, then he bid her fair well.      

Sinking (A Sonnet)

The loneliness of the night, the evil lurking within. Still striving to fight the fight, and beat my evil sin.
that I created for myself.
I have become numb, as I continue to age.
I put my God on a back corner shelf.

What I want… doesn't happen
my life has become a waste of space.
I've dug a hole for myself again,
I wish to vanish without a trace.

I have lived long in this cage

I am reminded that he collects my tears in a jar
and even though I turn my back, he doesn't go far.

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Blood Sucker

I am doomed…
I am a monster created by hell…

Tears like a sharp knife cutting through the skin on my face
The burning guilt like a hot iron on my cold heart
Why can’t I resist the temptation?
Why can’t I fight the guilt?
Why can’t I achieve happiness?
I drag the world down with me,
making it crash and burn.

My hands have blood on them,
I am the murderer of the life that once lived inside,
what once resided in this now cold and empty shell.
I will never be at peace and happiness, I fear, I will never truly find.
I have taken too many lives by draining them of their blood.
Never again shall I see the light
Never again shall I see my reflection
Never again shall I sleep…

Buh-bum, buh-bum, buh-bum
It’s happiness I chase
Buh-bum, buh-bum, buh-bum
I long for the taste…
Buh-bum, buh-bum, buh-bum
I yearn for the high…
Buh-bum, buh-bum, buh-bum
Beware…someone is about to die…

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Writer's Block

Too many stories in my mind

How to make them unravel
how to make them unwind.

Stories yet to be told
Characters learning to be bold.

Someday I hope they will find the open door
Learn that they can be free and explore.

Weave through the barriers in my brain
And help me from going insane.

Friday, January 18, 2013

Winged With Fire (Part 2)

          Philania walked wearily through the castle grounds, her bony face and hands were dirty and cold. Her clothes were ragged with big gaping holes; her shoes were broken and too small for her feet, her toes broke through the nose of her left shoe and the right shoe was strapped on with a strip of clothe torn from her dress. She was picking through the rubbish of the castle dwellers, searching for anything edible, when she smelled lamb being roasted over a fire, her empty stomach gave a loud moan, she looked and saw ahead of her a market place, hoping perhaps someone would take pity on her there.
          In the market she wandered from shop to shop, looking at all the food, her eyes wide and her mouth moist with saliva. She licked her lips at the vegetables, breads, and meats. Her hands reached for a loaf of bread, when she realized that the shop keeper was peering at her with raven eyes, she quickly withdrew them. She wandered on still, she tried to ignore the hunger groans from her stomach, she tried to focus on walking, but she couldn’t, she thought back to the events that happened a week before.
Her mother had been yelling at her to wake, half asleep she obeyed, she listened to her mother telling her that her father had been found in the river, dead, after getting drunk at the local tavern (as usual) he had staggered home, only he didn’t make it, instead he fell into the river and drowned.  Her mother was telling her that she could barely afford to keep the little ones, so Philania would have to go to the streets.
          Philania was overcome with anger and misery that she wasn’t paying attention to the slippery mud below her; she fell and hit the mud hard, she was covered all over with gushing mud that was cold, she was distraught and in pain, she broke down and wept, for this was all she had strength left to do. She was overwhelmed with tears, her vision was distorted between the tears and mud in her eyes, but she knew that no one cared. Then she felt a hand wipe the dirt from her eyes. She looked up and saw the kind face before her, it was young man of about twenty, with raven black hair, dark thick eye brows; his jaw was a triangular shape with dark whiskers. His eyes were a stunning blue, like a light piercing through darkness. He had a sweet smile that curved at one side of his mouth. He spoke gently to her as he lifted her to her feet,
           “It’s gonna be okay, are you hurt?”  
          Shaking with fear of this stranger and from the pain of her fall, she weakly replied, “No sir, not exactly, but I don’t feel well, in fact I feel like I might be sick.”
          With that she vomited on his shoes, and then started crying again, not just because she ruined his shoes, but because she expected him to throw her back to the mud, however, to her surprise, he did not.
          “Don’t cry, and don’t worry about my shoes, I should thank you actually, I have been wanting to get rid of these shoes for a while. Come sit down little one and I’ll buy you something to eat.”  He sat her down on a bench and ordered a shop owner to bring her food.
          “My name is Quinlin, what’s your name and how old are you?”
          Philania hesitated, she was still overwhelmed with everything that had just happened, who was this strange and kind man? Then she said,
           “My name is Philania, I am twelve, how old are you?”
At that Quinlin laughed, his blue eyes lit up with such beauty Philania couldn’t help but stare at them, then they darkened with sadness.
          “I am twenty-one. And twelve you say? You look only to be eight or nine. You haven’t eaten in a while have you?”
          “I probably will never be able to repay you for this kindness sir, but I thank you so much and I will be praying that the God above will bless you, bur I really must be going...” She started to leave, when he caught her arm and motioned her to sit back down.
          “Consider this me repaying you for helping me get rid of my shoes.” He winked.  “Now please, tell me your story.” Obediently Philania did.

* * * * * *

          A few weeks later Philania returned to the spot where Quinlin had told her he would wait for her every Sunday afternoon. When she turned a corner in the market place, she spotted him and ran to him with a big smile and hugged him tightly. Quinlin had managed to get her a job working for the Queen, after a week the Queen fell in love with her that decided to make Philania her ward. The Queen made sure that Philania was healthy, plump, and happy in three weeks.
           “How are you dear? Quin asked her as he gently stroked her cheek. “Is there anything else you need?”
         “Sir you do not need to give me anything, thanks to you I am now being very well cared for by the queen!” She replied.
          “I am glad, it gives me great joy to see you flourishing and so happy. However, you are a young lady and all ladies desire something…so there must be one thing you want…name anything.” Quin said.
          “Well, if you are adamant about this, there is one thing…”  She said sheepishly.
          “Alright what is it?” He asked.
          “Will you swear that on my eighteenth birthday…that you will ask for my hand in marriage? And until that day, you will save yourself for me?” She said in a quiet little voice.
          Quinlin stared at her for a long moment with an odd sort of look on his face; then the corner of his mouth curved into a grin and he laughed. Nodding his head a little he said, “You amuse me, but let me ask you this though, why do you want this?” When he asked that, there was sweetness and seriousness in his eyes.
          “You are an honorable man, full of gentleness and kindness, you are also honest. I trust that you will keep your word. I want to be a wise woman and I know that a man with your character is hard to find. I also know that when I become a lady of the court it will be wise to marry someone of equal or greater status, the same goes for you. You also deserve an honest wife, who is wise and merciful, who will love, honor, and respect you. And in all humbleness, I believe that I am and will be that woman. I believe that it is a wise decision…for both of us.” She said.
He chuckled, more amused than ever,
          “I see you have really thought this through, you have humbled me with your courage and wisdom, especially at such a young age. I accept, I swear to you this day that I will save myself for you and you only. I will wait for you until your eighteenth birthday.” With that he kissed her on the hand.