I no longer am its keeper…
My emptiness is an abyss of darkness surrounding me. The hollow echos confirm that I am alone. The most important part was taken away from me, my freedom, my peace. Now I have a gaping hole in my heart, and peace never seems to find me.
So deep and wide is my emptiness that I cannot ignore its screams, I cannot ignore the pain. Its screams are that of a child’s, they reach the deepest parts of me. I wish I could calm it and tell it that everything will be okay, but how can I convince it of something even I’m not sure about?
I asked it to come back, I begged it to stay…it wouldn’t, it just left; it didn’t look back…they never look back, like their afraid to become Lot’s wife or something. It’s almost as if I am evil itself…am I just that horrible and difficult to love?
* * * *
The devil reaches out his hand, offering to buy my soul, saying that he will love me. He says he will love me the way I long to be loved; he says that the whole world will bow down to me. Never again will I be scoffed at, never again will I be left behind, that’s what he says. I don’t know, I am uncertain if I can trust him, his deal sounds too good to be true.
I’m the girl who sold her soul to the devil, the girl who signed the dotted line with her own blood. I’m the girl who has talked with the devil, who has seen his face.
He said I was his favorite; he never made me feel insignificant. With him I felt powerful, gifted, and special. I did the work he sent me out to do. I was rewarded with high rankings in his army, he said two more jobs and he would give me the army entirely.
I overheard him one day, he was saying I was the best investment he had made, surprised he was at all that I was capable of. He said that I had more fight than he had ever expected, but he was pleased with all that I had accomplished for him.
I would be his chosen one, the champion of his army, the one to fight for him in the last battle of time. He declared me as his daughter, and announced it to all the minions of his dark world.
The devil called me to his chambers; I went to see my father. He said to me,
“My daughter you have made our advisories weep and tremble with fear, now do one more thing to please your father, go to the home of the one’s whose name is written on this scroll and kill him.”
I take the scroll from him and bow,
“Yes father, I will do what you ask, know that I love you, but let me ask one question.” “You may ask.” He says sounding slightly annoyed. I begin slightly nervous,
“What has this person done for him to deserve death by my hand, the hand of your most powerful champion?”
The eyes of my father burned like hot coals in a fire, he turned on me with a rage so great and powerful that I cowered in fear of my life.
“This person…” He said with disgust, “has been consulting and with my sworn and eternal enemy, he has sided with my enemy, he has been declared a child of my enemy a great warrior, now GO!”
I turned and fled, never had I ever seen my father in such a rage about something, it made me afraid, afraid of what I was about to face…
* * * *
I find the home of the one whose name was written on the scroll. I draw my sword before I enter his room, there I find him kneeling beside his bed, his hands folded and his eyes closed. He was just a child, twelve years old perhaps, small and innocent. I am shocked, this is the warrior I am to face and kill?
I sit down next to him watching him curiously…surely there is a mistake, this cannot be HIM. The boy opens his eyes and looks at me with a small smirk,
“Oh hi, I was expecting you…”
He sat up on his bed looking at me just as curiously as I was looking at him.
“He told me you would be coming; I will admit that I am surprised that you haven’t struck me down with your sword, perhaps you’re surprise that I am so young and small!?!”
He laughed making me all the more surprised, “I know all about you, you’re the one who sold you soul to the devil and now he calls you his daughter. You’re the one he declared as his “greatest champion,” he may call you all those things, but you are really just his slave the one he sends to do all his dirty work.”
I was shocked and taken back, but I kept my face cool and unemotional, I asked, “And you’re the champion of my sworn enemy!”
“Well I don’t know how much of a champion I am.” He replied, “But I am a child of God…the enemy of your father. You signed the dotted line with the devil all because you felt alone, you didn’t hear the calls of my father, you were too busy focusing on your sad affairs that you didn’t see the best opportunity that could EVER be offered to you was right in front of your nose, the love from a father who would have loved you for you not just what you were able to do for him. The sad thing is that you will never feel satisfaction or receive the true love that you are in constant pursuit of, because your master, whom you call father, is not capable of such a love.”
I scream and stumble off the bed….his words came like lashes of a whip, I lay in a scrunched ball for a moment, and then I rose to take my revenge. I draw my sword ready to slay him, no longer will I listen to these words, and no longer will I be HIS prey!
Then a thought came to my mind that was not of me, how can you kill him? He is nothing but a child, innocent, spotless. Then my next thought was of clearly of me, I cannot return to my father until the deed is done, how can I stand before him and tell him that I could not defeat a puny child? My focus comes back to the child, I will shut him up for good now, I lunge at him,
“You have no power; you are nothing but a defenseless child!”
I raise my sword to strike, but as I do the expression of the child changed, it wasn’t fear that I saw, but sadness, this made my heart burn, the deep frozen ice that it was had been set ablaze with fire.
“I am sorry that it has come to this, I am sorry this has been the choice you have made, you could have chosen another path, I could have saved you if you inquired after my God. Now I must defend myself! You are wrong when you say that I am defenseless, I have a sword and a shield like NO other, I have a mighty and powerful God that stand before me!”
Right before my eyes I saw a blazing sword and mighty shield appear in his small hands, they were like nothing I had ever seen before. I was in utter shock, I brought down my sword in a strong and terrible plunge, he blocked the mighty blow with his shield, making me fall back stunned. I heard him say,
“No weapon forged against you shall prevail, and you shall refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord…”
I shrieked, I must make him stop, so I charged at him with all the force I had and struck him down with a powerful blow that sent him sprawling back and flattened to the floor. I approached him to finish him off, when he said in a weak voice,
“We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed!”
At that I screamed, an excruciating pang of pain shook my entire body, I looked down and saw that his blade had been plunged deep into the flesh of my abdomen. He spoke again, I gasped with fear and pain,
“And I will do whatever you ask in MY name, so that the son may bring glory to the father! Do you know what that name is, daughter of the devil?”
I was hunched over with pain, my breath came in quick and heavy gasps, but through my barred teeth I managed to say,
“Jesus!” He said with a great shout, “Now return to your master and NEVER show your face here again!”
I screeched and groaned, the pain kept coming like waves of fire crashing against me. And before my eyes I saw the bright figure of a man standing behind the boy with such authority and valor that I became frightened for my life, so I fled.
* * * *
Now I lay in my cage alone, truly alone, I am truly abandoned now. When the devil heard of my defeat, he was furious. He threw me into his dungeons never to be heard from again, no longer am I the devil’s daughter or his prized champion, I am a disgraced victim of the devil’s evil tricks and lies. Never was I loved by him, the boy had been right, the devil doesn’t love.
Now I slump in the corner of my cage, no sense in me crying or wailing like the other prisoners I hear, no one can see my tears and no one cares to hear my cries in here. There is no hope for me now, God does not want me, I am the girl who sold her soul to the devil…who fought against God and lost, I tortured his children and killed many of them. I must be disgusting in his sight; I am lower than dirt and feces. I tell this story to you now, as a warning, the devil will come to you and offer to buy your soul, offering to give you freedom and power, but he will only lock your soul in chains, he will use you to his benefit until you benefit him no longer…then you will lose everything.
There is a God in heaven who is reaching down to you with a better offer, one of true love, protection, freedom, and victory! He will set the captives free if you call out, Jesus set me free!
I wish I could declare that for myself, but how can I? I am disgusting…I was the devil’s daughter, the one who did his evil deeds. God wants nothing to do with me now. I know he has the power to set me free from this bondage for he is all powerful, but who am I to ask him such a thing?
You who have not sold your souls, be warned see and learn from my mistakes, when Jesus knocks at the door, let him in…do not leave him standing on your door step.
I now lie in wait of the end. The day of judgment where I shall be released from this prison and be told of my punishment, and then when I shall be put into the prison of eternal fire, where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth. I accept it, for it is nothing less of what I deserve, it is my fate.
Suddenly the door to my cage flies open and a bright figure of a man stands in front of me. His hand stretches out to me and he says in a powerful voice of supremacy,
“Take my hand, I have paid your debt and you are free, follow me and we shall leave this dungeon.”
My chains fell off and I rose to my feet, “Jesus?” I am in shock, “Why would you want me? Why would you come here to this disgusting evil place to save me, the one who was the devil’s daughter?”
“You’re no longer the devil’s child, you are now my own. Follow me; you are no longer the champion of hell, but of heaven!”
I take his hand and follow him, he leads me out of the depths of hell, and when we are out I fall to my knees and weep, I kiss his feet.
“Jesus, I don’t deserve this, but thank you! I love you and I will sacrifice all that I am for you!”
* * * *
“Devil be warned, on the day of the last battle you and I shall meet again, we shall fight to the death, but you will be destroyed! Jesus and the saints of heaven will take the victory; we will be eternally free and living in glory, worshiping our heavenly father in complete perfection. No tear shall be shed ever again.”
“NO longer am I the devil’s daughter, but a child of God, I have the victory, and the devil has fled from me!”