Sunday, August 26, 2012

Will the Sea Swallow Me Up?



I find myself in this place once again, a place of torment, pain, and fear. Grey rain clouds and mist hide the bright moon and cover me. The dreary sadness of the scene matches the condition of my heart. My heart has been swallowed up in a sea of sorrow and disappointment, disappointment in myself, and you. How could you hurt me like this?
          Stupid girl, you knew better than to open your heart and trust, it has always lead to pain and anguish, why would this have been any different? You picked the scab of an old wound, did you really expect it not to hurt? You told yourself no...why didn’t you listen?
The waters of the sea surround me, taunting me, telling me that they will have me as their prize; I will be there next victorious capture!
I look up at the sky, praying that it won’t rain, for if it does, I am finished, and the sea will get it’s wish. The rock that I cling to is slippery, my hands are slipping as the strong waves crash against me, I am beginning to lose faith in my strength, and in the strength of this rock.  My soaked red dress clings to me, it weighs me down.
My eye catches a glimpse of something flying toward me. A white winged dove flaps toward me; I lift up a hand to it, for it is my old friend. He comes and lies to rest for a moment in my palm; in its beak it holds a rose, a red rose. I sit for a moment, as I grasp the rose in my hand as the dove flies off, leaving me alone with this rose whose thorns contain every hurtful memory! As I look at it, tears form in my eyes, but you are not here to wipe them away this time, you left me to this ocean. Where did you go? Why did you leave me?
I stand, no longer afraid of the waves, my face is streaked with tears. I cast the rose to the waves, the moment it hit the water it started to rain. I speak to the sea, I say that I am no longer afraid, I am ready, and it can have me!
With a crack of thunder and an enormous crash of a wave, I found myself tumbling into the water. My arms, hair, and red dress reach toward the surface as I sink down, down into the lurking darkness of the bottom of the deep. Bubbles engulf my body as it comes to rest on the sea floor. I lay to rest on my back, my eyes searching for the light of the moon.
 It’s coming, I can feel it in my heart, the angel of death is coming for me, like a shadow that follows me everywhere I go. My vision is slowly fading into blackness...

* * * *
My eyes open once more, I feel as though I am in a dream state, everything is foggy, and something is walking towards me, something dressed in all red. My vision clears a bit, and I see that it is me, me in my red dress walking towards myself. When she, me, reaches me, she leans down, grasps my hand, handing me the red rose that I had cast into the sea, and lifts my head. She signals me to follow her, but I shake my head no, I want her to leave me here, it will be better this way, no more pain, no more anything, soon it all will be over. She whispers something in my ear. Her face changes, it’s the angel of death disguised in a self image, he has come for me once again.
Suddenly an explosion occurs from a crater in the sea floor, sending me hurling to the surface and casting the angel of death and I in the opposite directions. I wake to find myself lying on a sandy shore. I look up at the stars above me, glimmering like diamonds. My hair and ripped dress are soaked and covered with sand. I slowly and weakly sit up; in my hand I grasp the red rose, a tear rolls off my cheek and slips off my chin, falling onto a petal of the rose. Instantly the moon appears and shines brightly, a ray of its light hits the tear, and the light reflects from the tear drop, causing it to glimmer and shine an explosion of crystal light washes over me.
It was so bright I had to shield my eyes, everything surrounding me made a transformation, from darkness and gloom, to a sunny and beautiful day. The sun felt warm against my skin, a warm gentle breeze blew through my clean dry hair and the sand beneath me was soft and pleasant. I stood and shook the sand from my now turquoise dress, peering up at the blue sky, in my hand I held a turquoise rose; it gave me confidence and courage.
I started walking up the bay, holding the rose in one hand, and my skirt in the other, I looked down, as I walked, I watched my toes sink into the sand. When I looked up, there you stood, your handsome grey eyes watching me, I approached you with peace in my heart.
You kneel taking my hand and kissing it, you said you were sorry, and begged me for forgiveness.  I stopped you before you went any further, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” With that, I gently kiss you, giving you the rose, then together we turn, holding hands and walk down the bay.
You and only you, are the love of my heart...

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